69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
