I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize