"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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