Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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