So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
