I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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