i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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