Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
