I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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