He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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