I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
