his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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