I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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