haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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