Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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