You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
