the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
