I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
