don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
