dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Randomize
