what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
