And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
