if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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