the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
