I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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