You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
