i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
