Umm I'm too high to move.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
