I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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