I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
