Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
