Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
You smell like stripper and shame
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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