The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Randomize
