Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
