If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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