Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Randomize
