Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
