omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
