i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
