are you still at the devil's house?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
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He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
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Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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