She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
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You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
The power of my boobs compel you
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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