Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize