By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
