Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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