Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize