Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
