i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Randomize
