so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
