meet me or not, i'm out of control
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
