Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
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