I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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