I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
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We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
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tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
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