when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
