I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Don't tell me you're on acid again
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
