when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
