i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Randomize
