I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
