wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
