Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
