It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Drunk is a universal language darling
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
