Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Randomize
