You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
