There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
