On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
The best revenge is premature balding
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
