hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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