the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i love accidental penises.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
