I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
